No, I’m not going to play your microtransaction-riddled crappy mobile games.

Want me to play?  Then you gotta pay!

So for your consideration, here is the New (and Improved) Mobile Game Pay Model!

Want me to download your game?  $15.99

Of course you will have to purchase my “Gamer” currency “Gamer Gems” but don’t worry – there are pay tiers for every Game Publisher Budget!

Gamer Gems:

50/$12.99        100/$25.00      200/$99.99     500/$3,280.00

One hour for me to play your game:  650 Gamer Gems

Buy your Gamer a Pizza!   1023 Gamer Gems

Purchase a lovely T-shirt for your Gamer!  2048 Gamer Gems

How about a trip to the Salon for your Gamer to get a new hair color?  4928 Gamer Gems

Introducing Gamer “Loot” Boxes!

Purchase “Loot” for your gamer in the form of a lovely gift basket!  49384 Gamer Gems (delivery costs extra)

Buy your Gamer a new “Ground Mount” Car!  5983749 Gamer Gems

How about a “Flying Mount” open Airplane Ticket?  9358928374 Gamer Gems

The more you pay, the more I will play!

Yes…I definitely love this new Mobile Game Pay Model….