No spoilers here – heck, not even a glimmer of truth but…

Alliance were promised a “Fist-Pumping” moment, right?  Right?

Okay, since Blizz isn’t going to give us one, let’s do it ourselves.

Disclaimer: I don’t know much about WoW Lore and I can’t write Fantasy – heck, I can’t even write Fiction.

Now that we have my credentials (or lack thereof) out of the way…

First, we all know that to keep faction balance in the game we can’t have the Alliance taking over Orgrimmar, nor can we have a player kill a Lore character because it would be silly to start writing in “lolumadbro from the guild Nerdy Geeks” killed Garrosh Hellscream.

Our Horde Lore characters are (in no particular order) Vol’jin, Baine Bloodhoof and Thrall.  The Banshee Queen is too busy raising the dead or whatever she does to show up, and the Blood Elf guy is getting his hair done or something.

Our Alliance Lore characters are King Varian Wrynn, Prince Anduin and Jania Proudmore since these are the only ones I remember showing up in this expansion.  Also, it’s 3 Lore characters per faction to keep things balanced.

Pandarens are conspicuously absent but since Brewfest is coming up well, they’ve been “busy.”

Vol’jin:  “Hey King Varian, want to help me take over Orgrimmar so I can kill Garrosh Hellscream?  If you don’t you’ll be sorry!”

King Varian:  “LoL! Help you? What’s in it for us?”

Vol’jin: “Nothing!  But how about if I comp your Heroes the 10 gold transportation fee they have to pay to get here and gather supplies for me?”

King Varian:  “Works for me.  You’ve got a deal.  Commander! Send our fleet to Orgrimmar and help the Troll Rebels!”

Commander:  “Excuse me, King Varian, but why exactly are we helping the Horde?”

King Varian: “I don’t know, but I’m the King and you will do as I command!  Tell Jania Proudmore to get some Mages and meet us us there!”

Commander: “Okie dokie” Commander makes note to have King Varian checked over by Royal Psychologist. “Jania, the King commands you to bring some Mages and help the Rebels.”

Jania Proudmore:  “Are you kidding me?  I’ve got giant dinosaur problems here on Isle of Thunder.  I’ll catch up with you later.”

Prince Anduin: “Don’t worry Commander – I’m going along to keep an eye on my Father.  If it looks like he’s losing it I’ll take over.”

Prince Anduin: “Send a message to Baine Bloodhoof:  Father sending fleet to help Rebels.  No idea why but he hasn’t been himself lately.  Might as well use this opportunity to help you defeat Garrosh Hellscream cause I owe you one, old friend.”

Baine Bloodhoof:  “Everyone knows Vol’jin isn’t the brightest bulb in the War Strategy Room so I’ll appreciate the help.”

Insert Epic Battle Stuff here where our Horde/Alliance Heroes attempt to secure Orgrimmar marching through packs of trash mobs, defeating a few mini-bosses and finally reach Garrosh Hellscream’s hideout.

Thrall:  “For crying out loud Garrosh, I’m gone for 5 minutes to save the world and you go completely stupid.”

Garrosh Hellscream:  “HAHAHA!  I dug up this Old God part that conveniently fits in a box! You are not prepared!”

The Klaxxi Paragons appear.

Klaxxi Paragon:  “Did somebody say Old God?  Your gods are not your gods, errr…your gods are not our gods…or something like that.  Foolish fleshlings!  You didn’t purchase our Epic Scorpion Mount!  Now you will never have it!”

King Varian:  “Okay Vol’jin – I got you to Hellscream so pay up the gold you promised for our Heroes.”

Vol’jin: “Never!  It was all a lie!  I was never going to give you the gold!”

King Varian screams with rage and deals Vol’jin a mortal blow with his sword.

Vol’jin: *gasps* “It wasn’t my idea it was the Goblins…Time is money, friend….”

Thrall:  “Well that’s just great.  Now who’s going to be Warchief?”

Baine Bloodhoof:  “Excuse me Thrall, but shouldn’t we kill Garrosh before deciding who’s Warchief?”

Thrall:  “I’m waiting for the Heroes to get him down to 1% before I step in and finish him off.”

Hellscream goes down but before he dies he gives a long speech (Kael’thalas style) ending with “Orgrimmar was just a set-back.”

Thrall: Okay, now that Hellscream is dead we need a new Warchief.  I know!  My son shall be Warchief!  The Orcs would never accept a non-Orc as Warchief anyway!”

Baine Bloodhoof:  “Ummm…your son is just a baby…”

Suddenly Wrathion appears holding an Epic Cloak.

Wrathion:  “Behold the Epic Cloak!  Whoever wears the Epic Cloak shall be Warchief!”

Baine Bloodhoof: “I already have a cloak and anyway I got stuff to do.  See you later!”

Wrathion:  “There is only one among you who listened to my long, boring stories and bought me Panda beer.  He is the one who shall wear the Epic Cloak and be Warchief!  I chose you, Prince Anduin!”

Prince Anduin:  “Well, I’m going to have to rule the Alliance while my Father is getting checked out by the Royal Psychologist, but I can be Warchief until Thrall’s son comes of age.”

Thrall: “Works for me.  Ummm..Warchief Anduin, could you spare a couple of Heroes to Escort me home?  I might be the greatest Shaman of all time but apparently I need some Heroes to help me cross the street.”

Horde:  “All Hail Warchief Anduin!”

Warchief Anduin: “Blood and Thunder! Lok’tar Ogar!  Okay I got a few things on the revenge list….errrr….agenda while I’m Warchief…”

/Alliance Fist-Pump

Sure, there are a few holes but really, was it so hard to write an Alliance Fist-Pumping moment?

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